This is the fourth and final post in a series about thriving in change. (You can read 1, 2, and 3 here.) In this post, I look at what we can do together, because in the end, we need each other.
In previous parts, I've shared some fundamentals for thriving in change: Learning to make conscious choices, to love reality, to recalibrate expectations.
All of these things are easier when we are not doing it alone.
When we feel connected, psychologically safe and not alone, we're calm. It frees our mental capacity to deal with whatever the world presents us with. We're able to endure.
Emotions spread from one human to others
When unpleasant things happen, the emotions they bring can drain our energy and even feel paralyzing. Our brains don't function at their best when we are overwhelmed by difficult emotions. We lose access to our creativity, our empathy and our ability to see the bigger picture.
There’s a kind of unfair deal built into how our brains work: we need our brains the most in exactly the moments when uncomfortable emotions are shutting them down. When we most need to think clearly, connect with others, and find a way forward, our capacity for all of these things diminishes.
Positive emotions help our brains function better. They open up our thinking, increase our creativity, and make it easier to connect with others. This is why the emotional atmosphere around us matters so much, not as a luxury or a nice-to-have, but as a real condition for our ability to navigate change.
Ignoring difficult feelings doesn't help. Toxic positivity, the pressure to "stay positive" or "look on the bright side", doesn't help either. It just eats up more mental capacity. What does help is creating an emotional atmosphere where people can be honest about what they are going through, where feelings are acknowledged rather than brushed aside, and where there’s a genuine connection between people.
Our emotions do not affect only our own thinking but also that of others. Because we are social animals, emotions spread from one human to another. Negative, uncomfortable feelings spread wider and faster than positive ones. This has served the survival of our species; it has been more important to pay attention to situations where our needs are not being met.
But it also means that in times of change, the whole team can quickly spiral into a downward emotional state.
Here’s what helps
Over the years, I've found a few things that can help shift the emotional atmosphere, both for ourselves and for the people around us.
Accept feelings and understand the needs behind them. This is where it starts: with the willingness to acknowledge what we are feeling and to ask what the need behind it is.
Share feelings and needs with others. There’s something powerful about saying out loud what is happening on the inside. Positive emotions tend to grow when they are shared. And difficult emotions, while they don't disappear, tend to become less overwhelming when we don't carry them alone. Sharing is a way of lightening the load and creating a connection.
Take action to fulfill needs. Even small things matter. When we identify what we need, we can take small steps toward meeting it. It doesn't have to be dramatic. Sometimes, a short conversation, a walk, or simply asking for help is enough to shift something.
Consciously notice what is positive. Under stress, our brains are wired to focus on threats. Actively noticing what’s going well, what we’re proud of, what we’re grateful for, what gives us energy, is a way of balancing that tendency. This is not about denying the difficulties. It is about making sure we see the whole picture.
One simple practice that I've seen work well is asking four questions:
- What are you proud of?
- What are you enthusiastic about?
- What are you grateful for?
- What are you curious about?
These questions can shift the focus from noticing only what’s going wrong to noticing also what’s still present, still alive, still possible. They remind us that even in the middle of difficulty, there are also other things.
Show appreciation for others. One of the simplest and most powerful things we can do is to tell the people around us what we value about them and what we have learned from them. Showing appreciation can shift the emotional atmosphere more than we might expect.
Shared sense-making
One approach I have found useful is what I call shared sense-making. When a team is going through change, there’s often a need to sit down together and ask:
- What is actually happening?
- What are the facts, and what are our concerns and unknowns?
- What does this mean to us? How are we feeling, and what do we need?
- Where are the threats, and where might there be opportunities?
- What is under our control, what outcome do we want, and what could be our next steps?
This kind of structured conversation helps us move forward together. It helps us make sense of what is happening, and when we can make sense of the world around us, we can start taking action. We can reclaim our agency together.
It requires the space to slow down, to listen to each other, and to treat each person's perspective as valid. It’s also a way to break the vicious cycle described in the second part, replacing isolation and assumptions with connection and understanding.
Gathering is not a side track
In times of change and pressure, coming together, whether as a team, a group of colleagues, or two people having a real conversation, can feel like a luxury we can't afford. There’s too much to do, too many urgent things demanding our attention.
I have come to believe that gathering is not a side track.
It’s the most important thing.
It’s the thing that creates the emotional environment where our brains can actually function, where we can support each other, where we can find our way through together.
We are not built to go through hard times alone. We need each other to make sense of what is happening, to share the weight of difficult emotions, to remind each other of what is good, and to find the courage to take the next step.
So if there’s one thing I would like to offer as a closing thought for this series, it is this:
Use time to connect. Share what is inside you. Celebrate what deserves celebrating. Appreciate the people around you.
These are not soft extras. They are the foundation of resilience.
And resilience, as I've tried to show throughout these posts, is not something we build alone. It is something we build together.
